Amidst The White
by Sombereyes
Summary: A bunch of small one shot stories for the Mai/Yohko pairing. Story 3: Degenerate... Summary: Because the reasons can always be scrutinized by those who've strayed from the norm…
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I'm really starting to think of this pairing as an obscure, yet interesting one…so, to kind of test it out, I wrote this simple little one shot. I'm thinking of turning this into a loosely related one shot series, since I think this pairing has a lot to show for itself, if given the time to bloom.

Story One: Faint Belief  
Rating: T  
Summary: Sometimes having a little faith in others is the first step to happiness.

I don't own Mai HiME.

**Amidst The White:  
Faint Belief  
**

Footfalls echoed down the hall, but there was no other students left in the building this late in the evening. The sun was setting, but she sat there, leaning heavily on the desk, looking at old photographs. Pictures that she wished she could explain away, but she couldn't. She let a breath fall from her lips, and closed her eyes, pretending for just a moment, someone else would be there. That for just once in her life, someone would notice her, when she felt alone.

She opened her eyes, as soon as she realized how silly it was to pray for something like that, but even so, the happy photographs were nothing more than playing pretend in a time of hardship…forcing herself to laugh, when she really simply wanted to cry. Even so, the group pictures were memories that she felt as if she had to protect, even if they weren't her own.

The sterile smell of the nurses offices was once she had grown accustom with, as the very smell was something that consumed her life. Her past, and up until recently, had been consumed with visits to doctors when she went with her younger brother. Now that he was in America, she still visited the nurse's office every day, even when the woman who should have occupied the room, wasn't even there.

Mai's eyes wandered around the room, picking up glimpses of the white that cloaked it, from the curtains, to the cabinets, most things were colored in that pure, white color. She wondered if such a thing blinded the school's nurse, but, Mai doubted it. The bed in the corner, the one Takumi usually rested in during school hours was empty, since he was no longer there to fill the space.

The door opened and closed without the carrot top noticing. "Mai, what are you still doing here?" The voice was real, and not the figment of her imagination, that Mai thought it might have been.

"Oh, hey Ms. Sagisawa, I didn't know you were still around." Mai laughed, as she hopped off of the desk, and had the decency to offer a short bow. "All of the other faculty left, I thought that you would have too."

"Yohko." The nurse said then before taking a desired swig out of her paper cup. The logo of a nearby coffee shop came into view before Yohko tossed the empty cup in the trash. "As I keep telling you, you can call me by my first name when the students aren't around. Lord knows we see each other often enough."

"Have you heard anything?" Mai asked. It was the same question Mai asked every week when the mail came in from overseas. "Any letters, anything at all?"

"Afraid not." She did have a handful of papers, but, none of them were from Takumi. "Mai, I'm willing to bet he'll be okay with his rehabilitation. You shouldn't worry so much."

"It's easy to say that." Mai said, though in truth, it didn't make her feel any better. "I'm just used to being here for him, it's hard, knowing he's so far away, and I can't even see my own brother…" She sighed, running a hand through her short, tousled carrot colored hair. "You'd think I'd get used to this."

"He'll be back before you know it." Yohko answered without missing a beat. "To be honest, I'm more worried about you."

"I'll manage." Mai said offhandedly, pushing the lone window open to let the warm breeze in. "I would still feel better if I got some sort of call or letter from him, or something." She shrugged, knowing what she wanted didn't really matter.

"Akira's with him." Yohko pointed out, hoping that would be some sort of comfort, but, the look in violet eyes told otherwise. "So, where's Natsuki?" Yohko asked as she sat down at her desk to file away some paperwork.

"Who knows?" A warmth graced Mai's laughter, but, Yohko could tell it was just front. Mai didn't miss a beat though, as she pushed away her concern. "She gets on that bike hers, and just goes wherever she wants, whenever she wants…I can't keep track of her."

"Mikoto then?" Yohko questioned, prying again as she looked up from her work.

"She's been staying with Reito." Mai tried to sound happy about it, but the fact was, she worried about that too. "He better be making sure she's well fed, because if not, she gets crabby, and unmanageable."

"I see." Yohko lifted her eyebrows momentarily, but then returned to her work. "You're not usually alone, someone usually comes with you, even if they do complain the entire time."

"No, I suppose I'm not used to being by myself." Mai agreed, though she was unsure of just why she came here by herself. "I guess I came alone just because I don't want to be a burden to anyone. They've all got their lives back in order, and, I just feel like mine can't go back to normal until Takumi comes home."

"That'll be about four months or so." Yohko said then, pushing the file cabinet back into place. "I know it's hard, but try not to trouble yourself so much about it."

"How can I not?" Mai shook her head. "I've looked after him for so long, you know? It's hard to just worry about myself for a change." She laughed at that, feeling a little silly for admitting it. "I'm just not used to all the free time I have on my hands."

"Midori would be worried if she heard you say that." Yohko told her, unwilling to believe a person such as Mai couldn't find something to do. "Although, she has such a zest for life, I sometimes don't understand how she manages to live the way she does." Fond, yet distant memories became crystal clear. "She's very wise, but, I often wonder at what cost."

"I wish I could be that way." Mai said honestly. "The thing is, I'm just stuck, I think. It's like no matter what I try, I'm not really going anywhere." Then she offered what she hoped was a calm smile, she knew it was a failing endeavor. "I don't really do very good on my own. Even though, it feels like I've been that way a lot."

"That I can understand." Yohko looked over to the mountains that left little to be desired. She never really knew what went on, but, she knew not all of the students at the school were normal, and, that somehow, Midori was the same. The strange occurrences weren't something Yohko asked about. Even so, the murmurs were crystal clear. Something had gone on, and that something involved Mai directly...and Midori. "Mai, I don't know what you've seen, or what you think you think you've faced…but, I believe you can stop now."

"Can I really?" Mai asked, sometimes unsure of that herself. "It's over." She said cryptically. "But, now, no one knows what's next. It could be anything...so, can I really just relax?"

"It could be nothing." Yohko replied. "I think it's safe to say that you can take a break."

"For how long?" Mai asked then, a near desperation at the edges of her voice, the only thing keeping it even was pure resolve alone.

Yohko considered that, unsure of what she should say. Mai was not only a student of the academy, but she was also thrust into a world that Yohko knew she would never understand, and, over the time that Mai had attended the school, violet eyes had changed ever so slightly. They were a little stronger, a little older, and unquestionably wiser. They were, to some degree harder, jaded perhaps, in their own way.

"I wish I could say." Yohko murmured. "I just don't know."

"Yeah, I don't think anybody does." Mai didn't want to think about it, but, she knew that pretending that everything was simply over and done with didn't change the past, or, the things she faced. Those truths were hers alone...just as all of the other HiME had their own burdens to put to rest, she was trying to do the same with hers. "I think we can't even believe that everything is all said and done...we want too, but, I don't think everyone can yet...I know I can't."

Yohko finally felt an edge, something to hold onto, protected by her good friendship with Midori. Held dear to her, by the things that such a close companion would never say. Such an image was before her now, that same look of complete exposure. Yohko felt it, the tense, unwavering heat of a woman who had seen hell. Mai wasn't the only girl to have undergone such an earthshattering transformation, but, she was one of the only ones to come out of the ordeal praying that life would return to the way it was before.

Sadly, that could never happen. The traces of those times were fading fast...but, that was probably for the better too, in its own way.

"Midori had eyes like yours, right before she left." Yohko said suddenly. "Eyes that told me she'd seen too much of something, but she would never tell me what that was." It seemed foolish now, to tell Mai something like that, but she continued anyway. "There were nights she would knock on my apartment door, and when I opened it to greet her, all I could see was this haunted look in her eyes. As if, she'd gazed upon something far worse than could ever be explained." Yohko knew, Mai was the same. She had participated in whatever strange occurrences had grasped hold upon the school like a vice. "Other times, it seemed like Midori had found something that gave her unending hope. I never knew for sure, why exactly she came to my apartment, as she never stayed long enough for me to find out."

"Yeah, sounds about right." Mai murmured. "We never seemed to catch a break, that's for sure."

"What I mean to say, is that I believe it really is over." Yohko said, as she stepped forward. "I believe you can go back to normal life."

"The only problem with that, is my life will never be normal again…even the things I used to do every day just aren't the same." She knew that wasn't exactly a bad thing, but the sudden changed unnerved her. "I guess I'm okay with it…or, I will be, eventually...Its just, overwhelming to think back on everything...or, to know the future isn't exactly written in the stars."

"Mai, if you wanted, my sofa folds out into a bed." Yohko offered casually, sticking her hands into her deep pockets. "You're more than welcome to stay over."

"It's alright." Mai said with a shake of her head. "Either way, I'd be on my own, so I should probably just go back to the dorm."

"My bed then." Yohko said all too quickly. "You don't have to be alone anymore."

"Is something like that really okay?" Mai asked then, feeling uneasy.

The answer for any normal person would have been no. It wasn't alright, but, Mai wasn't normal. Yohko could feel that deep down. "You tell me." Yohko replied, unwilling to admit that it was a gross negligence in proper conduct. "I was just a bystander, still am. So, if you believe it'll be okay, then I'll believe that too."

It took a while before Mai nodded. "I think, I'd like that."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter is ungodly short…but, it just felt right to write at the time.

**Amidst The White:**  
**Determination**

"And so…after that, Natsuki just got on her bike, gave me one last look…and then just sped off." Mai said, finishing her retelling of the events that clouded the HiME battles like a now distant fog. "She went to face Shizuru…and I went in search of Mikoto, and Reito." It felt weird, telling the story to a total and complete outsider, so she focused her gaze outside, to the world below the window, where plants were tended by gardeners. "I don't think anyone expected to make it out alive. I know that Natsuki didn't." Mai just shrugged. "The rest, as they say, is history…"

She wouldn't fail. She refused to buckle down under the weight, and promised herself that no matter the pressure, she wouldn't give in. Still, it was hard to smile when all she really wanted to do was cry. Life was normal, nearly complacent, and all of her friends didn't seem to notice that she suffered…

Or, maybe out of kindness, they simply didn't point it out.

Quiet times and peacefulness was something she just didn't know how to deal with. When those she cared about went back to their own routines, she didn't feel right to ask for any help. Her normalcy was gone, and in spite of her smile, it hurt. Maybe that was why she was thankful no one seemed to notice, because then, she could pretend that no one really cared. That no one had the slightest idea.

That, in spite of her troubles, she wasn't being a burden.

Still, selfishly, she wanted that concern more than anyone in the world. So when she felt a warm, white lab coat rest over her shoulders, she willingly leaned into the warmth that was behind her. For just one moment, she could sigh, and let herself take comfort in another. Maybe that was wrong, ill-fitting, or even disgusting to some, but, no one else would have to know.

Or, if they did…they'd never say anything…for her sake.

"Mai." No one would see them here in this apartment, and maybe that was the best thing of all. How easily they could both deny anything, and everything. "Why didn't any of you tell me?" Yohko asked softly, felling guilty for being so blind to the events of the HiME battle. There was so much she hadn't known.

"I don't know." Mai said, wondering about that herself. "Maybe because it wasn't something you could understand…or, maybe Midori was just trying to protect you." She wanted to just give into the feeling of solace and something else. It began to drift into her heart whenever she spent time with Yohko, which was becoming more and more often. "There's not really a good conversation starter for a lot of the things that went on. To be fair, we were all just a little crazy. Maybe she didn't want to pull you in."

"You can stop protecting others." Yohko murmured, wondering if her words would ever be a comfort. Somehow, she doubted it as things were now. "Let them worry about you, even if it's just a little."

"I don't…" Mai shook her head, forcing a smile onto her face. "I don't like to worry people." The smile fell a moment later, but a soft contentment remained. "But, I figure as long as everyone's by my side, it'll be alright."

"It will." Yohko agreed, for an entirely different reason, though it was one she dared not say. Instead, she wrapped her arms loosely around Mai, and continued to look out into the greenery below.


	3. Chapter 3

**Amidst The White: Degenerate**

_Because the reasons can always be scrutinized by those who've strayed from the norm…_

"I'm sorry." Mai sighed, giving her good friend a few forceful pats on the cheek, trying to rouse her. "She isn't normally like this." Nao was out cold. They'd found her sleeping soundly in between two garbage cans, banged up pretty badly. "Well, at least she never used to be like this."

Yohko just shook her head. "I expected this sort of rebellion, actually." Now, they sat in the school's infirmary, waiting for her to wake up, her dreams uneasy. "I used to get a lot of calls about these types of things, they just never made any sense…" She wasn't often a smoker, and liquid courage was usually her vice of choice. Sobriety being a necessity however, meant that she had to choose the lesser of the two evils. "I wouldn't worry about it Mai, I think you can rest easy. Nao's a tough one."

"She needs to find a new hobby." Mai murmured worriedly. "She's so stupid sometimes, why can't she ask for help?"

"She's gotten better, even if it is only in small ways." Yohko told Mai, her cigarette perched in her mouth lopsided. Instinctively, she put her palms on Mai's shoulders. "She's been in a better mood too, but old habits die hard."

"You have no idea…" Another voice growled in annoyance as she came barging in through the open door. "What happened to her?"

"From the looks of it, probably another fist fight." Mai told Natsuki, who just shrugged. "What about you, care to explain that?" She said, pointing to the girl's forehead.

"Huh?" Natsuki reached up where a few stiches followed her hair line. "Oh, those…they're not a big deal." As realization dawned on her she grinned leaning on the nearby wall. "I've gotten into weapon training recently, Shizuru's an instructor on the weekends, so she's been giving me and Chie private lessons."

"I bet Aoi's not fond of that." Mai muttered with a shake of her head. "I don't really think that's a good idea either."

Natsuki shrugged. "It gives us something to do, if it's any consolation, Shizuru's better getting worried about our training habits too." Her leather gloves crinkled a bit in her grip, uncertainty at the edges of her eyes. "So, what are you going to do when she wakes up, lecture the hell out of her?"

"Would that work?" Mai returned, knowing that it wouldn't.

"Nah…maybe a smack to the face would, but she's already had enough of those by the looks of it." Natsuki flicked some hair over her shoulder, and then gave Yohko a knowing look. "Doc, think I could talk to you a sec?" She tilted her head, indicating she wanted to have words in the hall.

With an up turned eyebrow, Yohko put her cigarette in the tray and stuffed her hands in her pockets. Following behind, she closed the door for some privacy. "What do you need?" She asked, knowing that somehow, this wasn't about the stiches.

Natsuki bit her lower lip, not really sure what to think about the fact that Mai had been hanging around the school nurse more often than not. When Midori was around, no one questioned the woman's presence, but, with Midori gone, many of the HiME thought the woman to be an outsider. "What's up with Mai?" Natsuki asked, her tone giving no room to beat around the bush.

"Nothing that I know of." Yohko said, taken aback by the question just a little bit. "Is there something I should be made aware of?"

"Ya know, some of us aren't blind." Natsuki said a distinct edge, a threat laced carefully between each word. "She's with Tate one day, and dodging him the next…it doesn't take a genius to realize she's avoiding people." The fact that Natsuki was sharing a dorm room for summer classes made it more apparent to her than anyone else. "She's been coming back late, even if she comes back at all…if something's going on, I want to know."

"I'm looking after Mai." Yohko said slowly. "She told me everything…" She wonder what she should say to the young upstart, who was one of the most feared women at the academy. "It leaves a foul taste in a person's mouth, that's for sure."

"Is that all you're doing?" Natsuki groused. "Looking after her, and nothing else?"

"Does it matter otherwise?" Yohko shot back. "You aren't really in any position to accuse anyone of anything."

Natsuki huffed out a heated breath of annoyance. "Look, all I'm saying is that it looks a little weird for her to be hanging out with you as much as she is. What she does is her own thing…but, I'm not stupid." She took a step forward, grabbing the collar of Yohko's lab coat. "More than that, if you hurt Mai you're going to have a lot of very pissed off people coming after you, and most of us aren't people you want to toy with."

Yohko rolled her eyes, not at all intimidated by the threat, though, she did take a hint of comfort in the sincerity found in Natsuki's eyes. It meant at least the others were taking notice of Mai, even if they were tiptoeing around her. "Are you done?"

"Are you going to leave her alone?" Natsuki growled back.

Yohko put her hand over Natsuki's gloved one, forcing her to release the collar of her white lab coat. "I'm not going to hurt Mai." She said, her usual calm slouch replaced with her full height, and gentle but firm scowl and crossed arms adding to her air of authority. "There's nothing between us right now." Her gaze flicked back to the door, and then back to Natsuki. "Nothing tangible, anyway."

"Yeah…well, it better stay that way." Natsuki said, unwilling to back down. "Because if it doesn't, and you end up hurting her because of it, I won't hold back." Natsuki look to the door, and then shook her head. "To be fair, I don't think anyone will, so you better just watch your step."

Yohko merely shrugged. "I'll think about it." She opened the door and stepped back thorough. Natsuki did the same, but spoke no other words. Instead, she just looked Nao over and shook her head.

"The damn idiot." The biker ranted, hoisting the girl over her shoulder. "She'll be fine. I'll take her home with me."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Mai said, but the woman of midnight tresses just gave her a glair.

"I said she's fine." Natsuki told her, not giving an inch. "Besides, we look out for our own." At that, she gave Yohko a knowing glance. "I'm used to this." She started to walk to the door before her emerald eyes gaze found Mai's soft violet eyes. "If you don't want to hang around with an outsider, if you don't want to."

Natsuki didn't hesitate any more than that, she didn't feel like she needed to. Instead she decided to just carry Nao back to the dorm. The red head was strong, she would wake up after a little more rest, Natsuki was sure of that. Just as she was sure that the school nurse that stood beside Mai again was simply a little too friendly for her own good.

"So, you're an outsider, huh?" Mai laughed sadly, her eyes closing out the world around her. "It makes sense, I guess." She cleared her throat, and turned to look at the taller woman nervously, feeling as if the very thing she desired most was not within her reach.

"Natsuki suspects something." The woman said. "Accused me of stepping out of line. I wouldn't concern yourself over it."

"Hmm." Mai nodded weakly. "Natsuki's a bit over protective sometimes." The peaceful calm that poured from Yohko was enough to wash away Mai's doubt. Slow knowing fingers gently pushed some carrot top tresses behind Mai's ear, the single act in and of itself like a soothing balm for all that lingered. "She doesn't mean anything by it, I don't think, anyway."

"She might." Yohko murmured as her thumb traced Mai's cheek, an action that made the younger woman bristle with an uncertain shiver, even though she made no move to retreat. Instead, she leaned into the touch. "I wanted to assure her that I was merely being a good friend to you, she doesn't believe me."

"Friends…" Mai sighed at that, and crept closer to Yohko, wrapping her arms around her. "I know that might be what Natsuki wants to hear, but, I have enough friends to get me through hard times. The HiME battle proved it." The nurse was soft and warm, but most of all, her intentions were always slow and meaningful, never forced or with great difficulty. "But, I know we aren't really anything else, either."

Yohko stiffened at that. "Do you want to be?" She asked quietly when Mai tightened her hold.

"Something else?" Mai asked, to which Yohko nodded. "I like being in your arms, I enjoy being around you…I've even thought to myself that being by your side is one of the best places in the world. That it feels right." She pulled away then, violet eyes falling towards the floor, catching the white sneakers Yohko had on, always perfect, always clean, in her sharp gaze. "If all of that means that I want something more, then yeah, I do."

"I'm in my twenties Mai, you know that, right?" Yohko said, suddenly feeling old. "Midori acts childish, but we're the same age. I'm sure there are other people, better people than me."

"Ever since I can remember, I've had to balance a life that wasn't exactly ideal. You might say that I grew up with particular expectations of myself." In saying that, she found her self-confidence to meet Yohko eye to eye. "I don't want to be swept off my feet, or to be with a person who doesn't know the real me." She shook her head, and nipped on her lower lip. "I want and need a stable, motivated, and reasonable person in my life. Once Takumi comes home, I'm still going to have to look out for him, and pay off medical bills. They don't just go away." She shook her head. "Those are things most teenagers don't understand."

"You're right about that." Yohko nodded. "They probably don't."

Mai felt nervous as she drummed her fingers on the metal bedframe, wondering what her brother might think of this, drawing a blank. "I don't think everyone would approve, and I'm sure Natsuki would have more things to say about it…but…" Mai swallowed hard, shaking her head. "I've been alone a long time, wondering when I might have the things other people do." She turned to face Yohko then, stepping forward, gently taking hold of the woman's soft, smooth arms. "This is not something I should want…but, I know that I do."

Yohko said nothing as she watched the carrot top gently run her fingers over her, coming to rest at her shoulders. She stood unmoving, wondering what might be going through Mai's head as the girl took in a sharp breath, averting her eyes as some sort of thought came to mind and she backed away gently. "Mai?" Yohko asked, worried.

"I've never been with a woman before." Mai said quietly, her words slipping through her clenched teeth in shame. "I don't want to do the wrong thing, or make some stupid mistake." Inwardly, she felt as if she'd made enough of those to last a lifetime, but knowing and gentle fingers caressed her cheek, drawing out another confession. "Acting on things like this, well, it makes me uneasy. I can't even say that I've had a proper kiss yet." Inwardly, she wanted to be guided and have the burden of proof taken off of her shoulders.

"You don't have to do anything you aren't ready for." Yohko said with an unwavering sense of calm. "Just take some time to work out your feelings slowly and decisively. I can wait for a proper answer."

"Do you want this?" Mai wondered aloud, unsure of herself. The real question resting between the lines. _Do you want me?_

"Yes and no…" It was a hard thing to admit to herself, even if she had allowed herself to get close to Mai, she had always assumed such a gamble to be a safe bet. Mai wasn't like Midori, who would make suggestive passes while drunk and then forget about them the next day. She was young enough, shy enough, Yohko thought she would keep her nearness a somewhat platonic one. "The idea of being with you allures me, although, it would be a compromising situation at best. I dare not think of the worst." Even so, Mai had endured enough to know what she wanted in her life, and, after the battles that the girl faced, Yohko was sure Mai was a much stronger person than anyone else might give her credit for. "I know if Midori were here, she would push me into it, dissuade my concerns, she throws caution to the wind in that way." Her voice remained purely analytical, until she sighed. "My concerns might be justified, but, so are my feelings. I'd be willing to try this, with you, if that's what you desire as well."


End file.
